Like many normal human beings, trips to Target just come with everyday life. You also know that there is no way on this freaking planet that you can just walk into that store without spending, MINIMUM, $50. Ain’t that a bitch? God I love Target. I buy the essentials and the most random shit that I probably won’t need for another year later, but I had to get. Elle and I had a lovely lady dinner that consisted of amazing Mexican with mystery cheese that I want to bathe in. Afterwards, we made a trip to Target aka the place I spend my savings in. As we make our way into the store, Elle says she needs a card. I walked down each of the designated places, “Birthday, Wedding, Baby, Sympathy.” It dawned on me, as a single lady, I only get the two extremes, celebration of birth and death. That is just the most depressing, fucked up thing ever. Where are the cards for , “Congratulations, you lived with your parents aka your roomates and saved money!!!” or “Good job champ, you didn’t get an STD because you stay home on the weekends.” What makes me even more annoyed about Hallmark or any card store for that matter, not only that fact that I’m so sick of buying cards for other people’s decisions….actually no that’s really it. Where are my friggin cards?!?!? I made decisions in my life that deserve cards. I am going to make a petition for ALL MY SINGLE PEOPLE. Here are some suggestions that I have made myself for possible single people card line:
Congratulations on having your facebook relationship status stay single for more then a year
Your online profile is looking awesome, here is to hoping you find your nerd love today
Great job on getting through a wedding season without wanting to throw yourself in front of a bus
You have survived yet another year of not being set up on a date by anyone, not even your grandmom.
What really gets my panties in a bunch every single time I walk into a card store, is you are set up for failure. I know what you are thinking right now, oh boo who, little single girl is sad because she doesn’t get cards. Damn right I am punk. What if marriage doesn’t happen for me? Oh what about if I don’t have a baby? Are there cards for that? Are there cards for, “Sorry your vagina will not be seeing the light of day or having a human being squeezed out of it.” What about the card for not spending thousands of dollars on a wedding dress, but instead putting that money towards a vacation or stacks of Uggs with that fresh sheepskin lining or cookies. Hallmark..I say TOOF to you, and your non-supportive nature of the singles!
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