Single Gal is reminded she's single...Just in Case she forgot.

As the Holiday season approaches, some of my most favorite things happen all at once. Whether it’s a great shopping deal aka $.99 dvd's, Time off from work, the snow, scented candles, and of course and most importantly, the food. I look forward to soup belly like it's going out of style and of course the meal of sides. My family has traditions for Christmas like most families do. Every Christmas Eve we have the 7 fishes. Being part Italian has its perks as every meal comes with pasta and never ending carbs. Yum. But even with all the trimmings and all the glamour and all the amazing cheese I put over everything, I can not forget one of the most infamous traditions of the holidays or any family get together in general. It's quite possible my favorite thing of all time. The greatest gift of all for the holidays, is one question that even Santa can't help me with. It's 5 words that make me want to reach for a hammer and keep hitting til I finally feel something. "How is your love life?"

You have been there before I am sure. This is not brand new information. But let me set up the scenario for you. There are two possible ways this goes, and both are just one tasty treat after the other. Here is Scenario 1. I am sitting by the fire almost in a food coma from all the deliciousness that I just shoveled in my mouth. It's basically my version of heaven. My uncle comes up to me and asks the same questions that any family member would. How's Work going and How is your love life? Every single time this fucking question comes up and I want to stab myself in the eye. I always have the same answer. Work is busy and what love life? (Insert Popeye laugh here) Yea I try to make a joke of it, but in reality it's not joking matter. As if I have forgotten that I am single, I mean hell I live this reality every day. I know that I have no love life, and really, I am ok with it. It doesn’t bother me that the closest thing I have to a love life is buying People's Sexiest Man of the Year and cutting out Renee Zellwegger's face and inserting my own so I'm with the true mancake of my dreams, Bradley Cooper. (insert quiver here) The true nature of this beast is that not only is the question heart wrenching, but the follow up face is priceless. Like a Cherry on a fucking shit cake. You know the face. The face is the awkward head movement slightly slanting to the side, eyes getting squinty, the lips do this Elvis looking thing up to the side, and then they say the worst words in the human language…."Oh, it's ok." WHHHAAATTTTT. Angry bear mad. Angry bear want another piece of bread. Are you fucking kidding me? A million thoughts run through my brain. The First is dear jesus I'm a pathetic loser. The second is Why wouldn't it be ok? Why would it NOT BE OK??? The third is internal crying. And the fourth is can I have another bowl of pasta? The real thing is this question shouldn't bother me. I'm pretty happy being single at the moment. I have written about this in previous blog posts. I never have an issue being single until someone brings it up or I'm in a situation I don't want to be in. Like being invited to dinner and you realize out of the 7 people invited, you are the only single one and they are all coupled with eachother. One of my personal favorites is when other family members talk about their kids in relationships. Bring in scenario #2.

Another shitfest burrito is when other family members who you see less often then your immediate ones come into the mix and really make you feel like you have hit an all time low. I love it even more when my heart drops as they begin to tell me stories about how their children are married, have a boyfriend, or my top joy is when someone younger then me is in a long term relationship. …….seriously??? Am I missing something? Omg wait…I forgot about this little gem. When they actually begin to feel sorry for you. FEEL SORRY FOR ME??? SORRY FOR WHAT?? That I don't fit the standard mold of a 20 something year old? Is there a standard? Did I miss this memo. I miss a lot of memos. Apparently I missed the one about putting feathers in your hair and wearing shorts with tights underneath during the winter.

I think this year I may fight back. Viva la Revolution de single. Yea I don't know if that's right. My Spanish in high school consisted of Selena on repeat and Mexican dip I would make. This year, I am going to make it my obligation to stand up for my singleness. If I see that face move or guilty undertones, I am gonna respond with, "Don't feel sorry for me" Ok maybe not that, bc I don’t have the balls to pull that off, or the fight club persona. Unless street Amanda comes out. Then I would watch out. It's like Hulk..single style. I want to have a great holiday season minus the drama.

This Christmas Season….Santa…I ask for one thing and one thing only. I want Bradley Cooper on my front doorstep with a bag of marble rye and some cold cuts. If he happens to feed me a sandwich I wouldn’t oppose.

Happy Holidays to my lovely fellow Singles!!!

Viva la Revolution de single!!!!!!!