Single Gal Goes Online

As I have previously posted, every which way I turn, a reminder that I am single is lurking around me like a heavy breathing stalker or a tasty cake taunting me. Turn on your tv and you see the wonderful ads for online dating. As a single gal, I ventured down this path and I can say without a doubt, it is the most uncomfortable thing I have even done in my life. I was more comfortable watching American Pie with my mom and Dad.

Nevertheless, I made an online profile on a dating site . My online experience is full of awkward turtle moments, hilarity, and my personal favorite, “Are you effing Kidding me??” I hit an all time low after the speed dating debacle of 2010. I needed something exciting and thrilling, maybe a text or a dirty message of some sort, I’m not picky here.. A little male attention can really go a long way, but not from Mini horse or hates winter, been there done that, still washing my eyes and ears from the agony. I did it up. I put up the pictures that I thought flattered me and made sure not to show any of my chunk. My profile was sincere and cute and witty, it was me. I of course left out any mama references, because he can meet her later. Anyways, It started out ok, a wink here and there from some cute guys and some weirdos of course. The weirdos are the ones that would either A.) send me emails in text speak aka btw ur rly ct let’s tlk soon. B.) would send me their life story. My favorite one was the guy that told me how he never had a previous relationship, been online for 2 years, gave me his number and address and already picked out a place for us to meet…….Dude…You didn’t even tell me your name don’t pick out our wedding china already. And C.) I LOVE when the weirdos would SEND ME THEIR NUMBER. ON THE FIRST EMAIL! Really?? Really??? I am not going to call you or text you. The only thing I am going to do with that number is send it to Homeland security. I know not all online experiences have been bad for people, maybe just for me since I have a black cloud over my head, but I have seen first hand successes of this. I did have an experience….and clearly I am going to share it with you all. Get ready…and GO.

A few months ago, I got a wink from this guy, let’s call him …Jar Jar Binks JJB for short. My star wars reference has significance which I will most definitely get to. He was cute from his pictures and his profile didn’t read stalkerish/pedofile. I winked back cautiously. We exchanged pleasantries through a few emails and it was going very well. We had a lot in common and actually graduated from the same college. Points for Jar Jar. He had a good job and what seemed to be a normal lifestyle. I was intrigued. We actually exchanged REAL email addresses and phone numbers. I was actually surprised by how well this was going. We started talking once every couple of days to everyday online or text. Gchat…you wonderful yet demonic tool. It was pretty adorable. After about a few weeks of solid talking, we decided to meet up….and this is where the fun began. Now, maybe this is just me in my own world, but when you are first meeting someone, I dress to impress. First impressions really do stick. We decided to meet at a casual bar, so I didn’t Fully Dress up, but cute business casual. Clearly I am nervous, for all I know, Binksy could have been a 70-year-old man trying to get some last life lovin. Or he could totally just not show up at all, actually going back on all of this that would have been the better option. I made the trek to Philly. I enter the bar and could not find him at first, but then…there he was. O…M…G…..JJ BLEW first impression out the window. Now, he is an enginerd which is basically my key demographic for love, so I was expecting Khaki’s, polo, nice shoes (my heart is swooning over just typing this, and a little drool as well)That is not what I got. I got Baseball hat, long pants with cuts in them, sandals, a tee shirt WITH a flannel short sleeve shirt over it, unbuttoned. Now, You are probably thinking, ok could be worse. NO NO NO. I need to describe this shirt to you. It still haunts my dreams at night. You know what, I will do you one better, I will SHOW YOU this shirt.

If you think your computer is doing something weird, its not, it’s just the shirt. And to answer your next question, Yes that is C3po and the Tin man from the Wizard of Oz dooking it out for what I am going to call the Nerdiest shirt of all time. Now, Normally I don’t care about tee shirts and what they have on them. I mean, you are talking to a girl who owns about 20 Disney shirts that I am not ashamed of and wear on a normal day basis, but for a first meeting with someone…Really???

He then proceeds to drink…a lot. I think he had about 8 beers within an hour. He was trying to teach me about different beers while hitting on the bar tender. It was really a special moment. On a first date, there are some ground rules. Keep it simple, keep it light, and keep it real…No fluffernuttering here folks. I do not want to hear about how you can’t pay bills on time and how you don’t know how to pay online. I don’t want to hear that you live behind a graveyard and you have seen bones pop up in your back yard. I do not want you to invite me to the shore with you and your family when I JUST EFFING MET YOU!! I don’t want to hear about your credit card debt. When you ask what would I like to eat, and I tell you anything but that…then you pick that….CLEARLY your listening skills are top notch. I can see why you are single. I was leaving for vacation the next day for a week, and had not started to pack, so I did warn the poor bastard that I had to cut the “date” short. This was not made up. But I’m glad I had this escape. As he walked me to my car, we had an awkward ending to this GLORIOUS hell of an evening. We exchanged half hugs, and left it at we should do this again. As I sat in Black Magic, I pondered, ok, maybe this was just a bad first one, I can give this kid one more chance. Maybe, Maybe. Ok yea I will give Jar Jar one more chance to redeem himself. This is the kicker. I can’t even believe this happened, and it was SOO unexpected. I went online the next day before I left on vacation to say bye and that I “had a nice time” He said yea same here and we would talk when I got back. When I returned from vacation, I signed online and got no Im from him. Ballsy I am, I Imed him…OOOOOOOOOO SNAP. I do the casual HEYA. And here is the kicker…no response back. Now this is what I hate about Gchat, because of course, a million thoughts are running through my mind…WTF IS HAPPENEING IS he Busy? Is he ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?? Is Jar Jar Binking someone else??? 3 hours go by and HE IS STILL GREEN. This is bullshit to mama. I then Im him and say hey, I don’t know if you are busy or something or if you just don’t want to talk anymore, just let me know either way and I will go along my merry way. He responds and says hey yea im super swamped today, talk to you later. Now, this happened normally for us online as we have real jobs that actually require us to not be Chatting online during work hours. (I know I couldn’t keep a straight face while typing that either…bahahaha) This im occurred 2 months, 5 days, and 8 hours ago. I never did get to talk to him later. What really butters my buns is, WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!?! I can make friends with trees and homeless men. I could not believe this rejection happened. So continues my cycle of lack of confidence and scarring from online dating. Thanks Jar Jar Binks. You did me dirty.

Where's my card Bitch!?!?!

Like many normal human beings, trips to Target just come with everyday life. You also know that there is no way on this freaking planet that you can just walk into that store without spending, MINIMUM, $50. Ain’t that a bitch? God I love Target. I buy the essentials and the most random shit that I probably won’t need for another year later, but I had to get. Elle and I had a lovely lady dinner that consisted of amazing Mexican with mystery cheese that I want to bathe in. Afterwards, we made a trip to Target aka the place I spend my savings in. As we make our way into the store, Elle says she needs a card. I walked down each of the designated places, “Birthday, Wedding, Baby, Sympathy.” It dawned on me, as a single lady, I only get the two extremes, celebration of birth and death. That is just the most depressing, fucked up thing ever. Where are the cards for , “Congratulations, you lived with your parents aka your roomates and saved money!!!” or “Good job champ, you didn’t get an STD because you stay home on the weekends.” What makes me even more annoyed about Hallmark or any card store for that matter, not only that fact that I’m so sick of buying cards for other people’s decisions….actually no that’s really it. Where are my friggin cards?!?!? I made decisions in my life that deserve cards. I am going to make a petition for ALL MY SINGLE PEOPLE. Here are some suggestions that I have made myself for possible single people card line:

Congratulations on having your facebook relationship status stay single for more then a year

Your online profile is looking awesome, here is to hoping you find your nerd love today

Great job on getting through a wedding season without wanting to throw yourself in front of a bus

You have survived yet another year of not being set up on a date by anyone, not even your grandmom.

What really gets my panties in a bunch every single time I walk into a card store, is you are set up for failure. I know what you are thinking right now, oh boo who, little single girl is sad because she doesn’t get cards. Damn right I am punk. What if marriage doesn’t happen for me? Oh what about if I don’t have a baby? Are there cards for that? Are there cards for, “Sorry your vagina will not be seeing the light of day or having a human being squeezed out of it.” What about the card for not spending thousands of dollars on a wedding dress, but instead putting that money towards a vacation or stacks of Uggs with that fresh sheepskin lining or cookies. Hallmark..I say TOOF to you, and your non-supportive nature of the singles!

Single Ladies give the Best dating advice….you don't listen. Stupid.

Us single’s have the advantage of clarity and too much free time. We have the realistic approach and appreciation for what life has to offer aka the Victoria’s Secret Semi annual sale where I buy lacey underwear that no one will see but myself and the sales woman. For our Non-single friends who have jumped the ship into full on relationship status, their view on life has become eschewed with planning dinners together, time for hand holding, and the great all night phone sessions. These relationships all fresh and exciting like a new purse or in my case a newly packaged DVD of The Hills. Then 3 months in come the pains, the moans, and the occasional cry fest. I’ve seen it all and lived it all on the other side of singledom. Nothing fools me anymore; in fact, I feel as a single person it is my civic duty to help these poor unfortunate souls try to see the light. This of course comes at a price. Which leads me to my topic.

I have been put in “give me advice” situations more then I can ever calculate…and I'm a freaking estimator. I calculate shit for my job/facebook/blog/gchat. I have been on both sides of the spectrum on this and trust me…it ain't pretty. So Listen and Listen good. This is the Truth according to Mama. SINGLE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS UP. Why do I say this. Well let Mama tell you. We have nothing blinding us when it comes to relationships because the only relationship I am in is with myself and my stuffed Donald Duck. Somehow statistically I have more friends in relationships then are single. So I tend to get hit up a lot for advice. Maybe I should take this as a compliment that I give good advice but really, sometimes it just ridiculous. I have had those many moments when I wanted to slap a bitch for their blatant stupidity. Listen, I get you are "in love" I really do understand, but when you tell me about your relationship issues with stud muffin, and you ask me what do I think, I have about 10 seconds to determine whether you want my honest opinion or you want me to sugarcoat/fluffernutter my advice. In simplistic terms….either road you take, you are inevitably fucked. Let's take path number 2 for instance. Your bestie tells you about a fight with her mancake. She's obviously upset/angry and wants advice. The nice bones in my body say, hey, it's going to be ok. This is just a rough patch and you two will work it out. Yada yada yada. Hug and kisses. Laughable moments. Leave the starbucks that you met at and head back home. You go along with your wonderful bestie relationship of seeing eachother only once a month when said lover is away on a business trip and now they finally have time to squeeze you in. In most instances, this may be the way to go, however, it makes you feel like you are not a true friend because you just lied. Is it really ok to lie to save someone’s feelings?? I will say it's situational. How many times can you have the same conversation about the same topic over and over again every 3 months. It becomes repetitive and annoying. Now, let's take path number one, honesty. This is where it becomes difficult. You need to choose your words very carefully. This is Risky Business and not the Tom Cruise in his underwear one. The honest road is a long hard one, and not the good kind. If you nod your head and agree with your friend that her big daddy is really an asshole to her and she doesn’t deserve that shit, well hats off to you. You now have a gun to your head because this very sentence that you just said will come running back to you to slap you in the face later down the road. It’s like you wrote a death note in blood to the devil, and being the sneaky bastard he is, will never forget it. You are now “That Girl” that doesn’t like your friend’s pookie bear. Now I’m not saying that a friendship is going to come crashing down the minute you say these honest words, because I have had a good outcome from honesty. But I have been in the situation TIME AND TIME AGAIN when I give my honest opinion about douchlord bigelow and how he/she treats your friend like pond scum and they AGREE WITH YOU BUT…now here’s the kicker….THEY STAY WITH THEM?!?!?!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Then why are you asking me for my opinion? Clearly you just wanted to either vent or just waste my effing time when I could be getting a mani-pedi or fixing my online dating profile picture so that it doesn’t make me come off as desperate or fat. These people kill me.

What is the lesson us Single’s can learn from these events that will never end. We are just really good people that deserve the Nobel peace prize or at least free cheese dip with the purchase of a bag of soft pretzels. I would prefer the pretzels.

Adventure's in Speed Dating - Part Deux

If you cannot tell already, this night was more then I could have imagined. You could have written a book about the 3 hours that I spent trying to not kill myself slowly. I would have titled it, "After this night, I am glad I am alone" or "Please throw that Fucking bell at my head, a trip to the hospital wouldn't be the worst thing at this moment." After the first hour, I could not believe that this was actually happening. I tried to pinch myself to wake up from the nightmare, but really that never works. I would have rather had the reoccurring nightmare I have of a Great White Shark try to eat me alive than sit through another hour or more of this. But without it, I would not have a great warning ad/amazing story. I also believe that for the good deeds of being polite and engaging with these dweebs so really allow me a seat in heaven or at least a pass to free chic-fila sandwich. Either would do. So onward I go with part 2….

There was actually more girls than guys, so I had a 5 min break before Karthik (Car-thick) came to my table. I thought that would leave me enough time to make a run for it, but poor Elle would be left to fend for herself. It's wrong that I spent the whole 5 mins actually contemplating this, but I did. Karthik was quite a character. He decided to be "different" then the other dweebs and sit next to me on my couch instead of across from me. This was problem number 3 on his list, with 1 being his name, and 2 being he tried to portray that he had some type of game. Karthik applauded me that I knew how to pronounce his name……Really?? For your information this is not the first time I have been told, "wow, you are a smart one" for something so incredibly obvious. One day I will tell you about Elle and my adventure in Delaware and a boy named Smash. After getting over the fact that I actually paid attention to Hooked on Phonics as a child, karthik, thinking he has game, tries to cup a feel of my lady goods. I immediately want to vomit in my mouth but really my dress was adorable and I think I would have turned him on more. After a spelling lesson and almost being dry humped on the couch, the bell had rung already giving the signal to move it along, but karthik was above the system. In comes Mini horse.

I see this very short person staring at us. He proceeds to walk back and forth very aggressively. He then pulls the move of the century, He tattle tells on karthik for taking up more then the allotted time. I could not believe that this actually happened. As the lady comes over and ends my riveting conversation, Mini Horse trots on in, ON THE COUCH. He Steals karthik's move. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Right off the bat, I can tell he's an independent person and a free thinker. He sits down and makes me feel like I'm a giant. I'm 5;6. He proceeds to put his arm around me and tells me he is a lawyer from Philadelphia and has run about 23 ½ marathons. The quick-witted one that I am asked, "what, couldn't do any full marathons?" His expression immediately changes from stalker look to anger bear. He then asks me if I like to exercise. I tell him that I despise the gym, exercise minus getting up to change my DVD out, and that my eyes light up when I see/talk about food. He then pulls quite a ballsy move for a Dwarf. He spends his 3 mins left telling me that I should really get into running and how it is good for me. Well mini Horse, you have won me over by telling me that I need to exercise more and that you don't get sarcasm at all. Adios senior.

I then go through a slew of guys. Had some Police guys who were seemingly nice, but then after the 2^nd minute, couldn’t really think of things to say. Buddy, if you can’t talk to me about yourself, that’s a major problem. Who knows you better then you?!?! And they even give you a cheat sheet card of questions you may want to ask…really??? I can talk to a tree and make it my friend. When I have to consult a list of questions, you know I have hit rock bottom. In comes Dopey. When I first signed up for this event, I knew I would just be myself and find a good nerd to call my own. This was one of those moments that I wish I could rewind and actually not tell this guy where I work. Dopey was a special breed of what I’m not quite sure. I think he forgot to take his human pill that day. I process to tell him that I work for a pharmaceutical company. His eyes light up and he leans in closer. He tells me how the use of drugs and the taking of drugs. He says that coke is under rated and that it’s really not all that bad for you. I’m sitting there speechless. This guy actually asked me if I get to take home any free samples of drugs because I could sell them and he would help me. I blankly stare at him and say, “I really have no idea why you are single, and you seem like you’ve got it all figured out.” I tell him no I do not get to take the vaccine for HPV home with me. He proceeds to get upset by this statement and tells me that’s a real shame because he sells drugs and makes pretty good money out of it. He then takes my hand and leans in closer and says he wants to take me to an island somewhere and show me a good time. DING DING DING. The ringing saved my life…or I thought. There was one more guy left and I thought wow, 5 more fucking minutes of mindless dribble and I could leave. Enter hates Winter guy.

Last and certainly not least, Hates winter guy had to be my 2^nd favorite guy of the night. Not only did he successfully have the worst conversation with a person in history of conversations, but he also made me want to not socialize with humans for at least a week. He could not talk at all. Mama had to do all the hard labor here. Which normally I love to talk till my throat hurts, but that is usually involving someone else responding. This guy had nothing. This is how the conversation went:

Mama – So what’s your name?…..30 seconds later

HW – Hates winter

Mama – What do you like to do for fun…30 seconds later while looking around the room

HW – Well, I don’t like the winter, it is way too cold. I just stay in.

Mama – So you’re like a bear and hibernate?

….30 seconds later while fixing his Mickey Mouse Club style circa 1990 jacket.

HW – I just really hate the snow.

Mama – Ok so do you like sports or movies?

Hw – I hate sports….and I don’t like movies. (heart breaks and ears bleeding) The last movie I saw was the Da Vinci code (that was his first of many problems with this statement) and really…I just haven’t seen any since then. I like…50’s style movies.

This is the point that I thought the conversation would end. As the bell rang and I thought this epic night would be over and I could run to the nearest shower and wash off the nerd-debris. NO No…he continues to have awkward movement and conversation. But this was the pivotal moment. Not only did this guy sit there awkwardly, he actually has the AUDACITY to tell me that he likes the look of the organizer of the event and he wants to get her number. A thousand thoughts are running through my mind…DID THIS GUY JUST SAY THAT?? The main sequence that kept coming through like a freight train was that this guy was NOT INTERESTED IN ME but instead, the organizer in sparkle thigh high boots tickled his fancy. At this very moment….I hit rock bottom. I actually told Hates Winter that he should totally go for her and get her number, in fact, I offered to help him get it. This not only would stop the voices in my head from screaming but also would get me the fuck away from this guy. Now here comes my Jerry Springer Final Thoughts - Leaving aside the point that hates winter wanted himself a sparkly mess, I never felt better to be single in my life. This one moment made me not only feel great about myself as a person, but also feel grateful that I am not the only single gal in this world. What nerd enigma brought all these guys together into one room without the world exploding I will never fully know. What I do know is that….this was a great real world example as to why me being on my couch with Chipotle and an Arbor mist is so appealing to the masses of singles out there. I say to you oh fellow single….if you want to experience Speed Dating on your own, you clearly got nothing out of this story and to quote that bedroom intruder song guy, “ you are dumb, you are so dumb.”

Next Post – Single Girl seeks Psychic guidance.

Adventure's in Speed Dating.....

As a fully single lady, I tend to get a lot more reminders of my single hood through the mass forms of media. If I had a nickel for every time I heard a radio commercial for "Event's and Adventures", I'd be a fucking millionaire and could buy my own husband. Preferably one who has a Castle. It's not that I don't think these single events are helpful, maybe for some people they are but, they just seem to be a weird platform. I decided one day in a moment of sheer desperation to give Speed Dating a try. Not alone of course, but with Elle*, my partner in crime.

Now I must warn you, what you are about to read in the next few paragraphs is a REAL ACCOUNT. The names have been changed to conceal the identity of these poor bastards. If at any time you feel yourself being attracted to one of these guys, please, just close out of this blog and return to your life in front of your tv with Dawson’s Creek Reruns. Please keep all fluids away from your computer and body at this time, trust me, you will thank me later. There is definetly a lot to say, so this may become a two parter.

Elle* and I are two fully single ladies. After being sickened by the sight of one engagement after another on the Deathbook, we decide that we need to take things to the next level. We decide that Speed dating would be a good idea. What could go wrong? It worked in the movie Hitch…it worked on the Gilmore Girls. We find an age appropriate group and sign up. Saturday night rolls around and us ladies are dressed to the nine’s. The angels cried and the doves were chirping as we made our way into the city.

As we made it to our destination, I park Black Magic in a safe location, all tucked away. We make our way to the Crocodile Lounge. When we walk upstairs, we see nothing but a lot of tables….and a lot of random people. A colorful mixture of singles if you will. I scope the room, looking for a potential hand holder. Now, I say this with the utmost serious face and demeanor – there is not one guy in that room I would have remotely given my number to or bumped uglies with. I don’t even think I would have given my old retired AIM screen name. I mean these nerds could have found me from “Nsync62886” that was too much information. The bar started to resemble a 50’s dance, boys on one side, girls on the other. Elle and I gave each other the look that…maybe, we should suck it up on the money we wasted on this god forsaken night and go to the Sonic Drive in. Ding Ding went the bell, and it was too late. Earlier we had discussed that we didn’t want to sit with each other. If there is one thing I don’t need people hearing, is me attempting to flirt with a man. it involves a lot of 1^st grade terminology and hair twirling. After seeing the pick of the litter, we said there was no way in hell we were separating. AND AWAY WE WENT…..

First guy up, let’s call him harry. I don’t remember his real name, but I will call him Harry because he was seeing a midnight showing of Harry Potter that night at the Franklin Institute. Based upon that fact alone, I should have left with this guy. But then after telling Elle he wanted a Sponge bath from a Nurse, his redeeming quality of Harry and the gang went right out the window. Up next, let’s call him Mufasa. No this is not a racial slur, more so the fact that I am currently listening to the Lion King soundtrack on Pandora and he was off the boat from Africa. Put 2 and 2 together BAM. Mufasa. So Mufasa was a special man. He did not allow me to get one word in. For those that know me well, this is an impossible feet, because to be frank, I don’t shut the fuck up. He asked me my name, and then he said I looked exotic, like I was Italian. I politely said yes, Im Italian Amer..before I could even finish, He began to tell me that if I looked back on my heritage, I could have black people in my family. Because African people took a boat to Italy and basically invaded that shit up. My words clearly, not his. He then proceeded to tell me about a country song, named after me. And if the next thought in your mind was dear lord I hope he sang that to her, Then you just won a Prize. He grabbed my hand and sang the country song to me. I don’t know if I was more surprised that this man was actually singing to me or that his African accent was really ruining the country jamboree.

Next up was Lee. If I could pinpoint one thing about Lee that made him stand out from the crowd….no it was not the giant boil on his face that was screaming at me or the fact that his hair was a worse comb over then the Trump, no no, it was more the fact that his voice sounded like his balls did not drop at birth. With every word that came out of his mouth, my ears would bleed. He did have a successful job in computer software development. But the thought of listening to that voice every day of my life made me cringe. We would inevitably have to have a text based relationship only. But really there is only so many abbreviations that I can come up with for Boil Removal without sounding like a nasty honey badger.

Next up…was my favorite guy of all. Let’s call him Tony. Ah Tony. In under 5 minutes, you successfully changed my life. Apparently, when you sign up for an age range, that’s really all a lie. 24-35 in real life means Elle and I are the only under 30 people and everyone else is above 40. Tony looked like he was pushing 42. At first I felt bad for him. He seemed like a nice guy. I was polite and we had a nice conversation going about jobs. And then, I apparently made him nervous or something. He proceeded to have a long winded facial spasm. Every word was another movement and contortion of his face. God I sound like an asshole, but really, it looked like his was trying to play a fly catching game with his body. His mouth was so wide open and his face was moving so fast, left to right to up and down. If you want to see this in live action, Send me a personal message or an email and I will gladly video conference you in and show you the free show.

This concludes part one….Part 2 is even better. Apparently A mini horse look alike lawyer started to pick a fight and I met a guy that hadn’t been to a movie since 2002 and hated winter.

Insert Beyonce Hit Single here....

Have ever found yourself on a friday night alone, watching reruns of the Golden Girls while eating Ben and Jerry's with a side of Ben and Jerry? Do you find yourself passing a pet store and seeing cats in the window and think to yourself, "Gee, Fluffy and Ms. Purrty sure look adorable, they would keep me warm at night." Do you have a pile of Harry Potter books that look like they have seen better days because not only are they a genius written work of art that should be worshipped on sacred ground, but you would rather spend your night alone with Harry and the gang then with your friends at a bar where no one knows your name?

Well my friend, you have found yourself not only a new distraction to the work days but also, someone who is going through exactly what you are. No no it's not a mental illness, it's in fact called SINGLE. Single is what we are, and what we hope to get rid of....or do we? I am not going to lie when I say I love me a night home in my sweats with a taco in one hand and my Wii remote in another. That's a top notch quality evening. But Single is not going to cure itself ladies. It's a living breathing thing that continues it's ugly cycle until somebody puts a ring on it. Thanks Beyonce, I feel better now that you have told the men out there that if they indeed like it...they should put on a ring on it. But for right now, I'm not focusing on the ring factor. Right now, I just want to focus on the now.

There are only a few things you need to know about me - The first is that like you, I am Fully single. By that I mean I have no prospect, no crush, not even a solid texter to call my own. Therefore I am fully single. Secondly, I like you am trying to roll with the punches of single life in this world. I have thought carefully about canceling my Facebook account so that the screaming/crying/rage will end with every engagement/marriage/baby announcement I see pop up on my newsfeed. And Thirdly I think cats are annoying.

I hope with this blog you will join me in a stance that SINGLE is not only a fun activity for the masses...but will put you at ease that you are not alone out there my friend. I am here to put a little laughter into a dull day.

Next up - My Speed Dating Adventure with Facial Tick guy.